Melancholic Rotation Of Mine

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I always have this problem inside; there are several reasons that  make me down. yes, I have the ability to let myself down. sounds crazy? well, yes, I am.

I need relief and get relax; I need to remind myself that if I wish to do anything important, important and important it will be done by a part which is called peace of mind. I sometimes feel I am nothing in this huge world. I review whole my life and I find out many holes that I could not have filled them but I should have done. I try to plan and stick to it, although I am not successful enough to obey all details of program step by step.

The next phase is when I convince myself that I have too many capabilities; I can use them to feel better about myself. However, I should admit that there are many enterprises who are ready to accept me but I am not going to do it, because they need some slaves not employees, they need some slaves who are loyal and responsible to make them more wealthy and then pay us the least possible wage. No, I hate being abused by others.

Accordingly, it may be more clear why I should carry out a project to prove I not just as a consumer on the earth. I am not just a person who eat, sleep, have sex, cook, walk, breath and watch TV before surfing Facebook. It is not my duty and what I can fulfill. I am telling all these detail while I murmur with myself and repeat this question: Which  should be my definite and now in hand? Which project?

This situation and question this reality is the hardship I face.Image

Sound crazy? yes! because I know the order of this old rotation. Like this:

I get angry and become disappointed by myself

I look for the reason, next I notice it is because of feeling as a complete consumer

I decide to carry out a good, interesting, useful and remarkable work

but it is a tough decision to make

Yes, the above said phases are my melancholic mental rotation

Next part:

finally, I decide to do some of them or only concentrate on one.

I make a plan

I follow it for a few days

I give up or lose my motivation

then I catch the first step again…-the story about “I am nothing in the world”.

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